The Most Important Thing: Parenting arrangements should be about what's best for your children, not about what's "fair" between adults or who "wins." When parents can set aside their hurt and anger to focus on their children's needs, mediation creates far better outcomes than any court order could.
Parenting arrangements are perhaps the most important—and most personal—decisions you'll make during separation. These decisions will shape your children's daily lives, their sense of security, and their relationship with both parents for years to come.
Courts can only impose standard schedules based on limited information. They don't know that your daughter has anxiety about transitions, that your son has hockey practice Tuesday evenings, or that one parent's work schedule is more flexible than the other's. You know these things. Mediation allows you to use that knowledge to create arrangements that actually work for your real children in their real lives.
Ontario family law recognizes two distinct aspects of parenting:
This refers to the authority to make major decisions about your children's lives, including:
Decision-making can be:
This refers to the schedule of when children are with each parent. This includes regular schedules, holidays, vacations, and special occasions.
During mediation sessions focused on parenting, we'll work through issues such as:
There's no one-size-fits-all schedule. Through mediation, you can explore what makes sense for your family. Some common approaches include:
Children alternate full weeks with each parent. Works well for school-age children, minimizes transitions, requires children to be apart from each parent for longer stretches.
Children are with Parent A Monday-Tuesday, Parent B Wednesday-Thursday, then alternate Friday-Sunday. More frequent contact with both parents, but more transitions.
Parent A has Monday-Tuesday every week, Parent B has Wednesday-Thursday every week, weekends alternate. Predictable weekday routine.
Children primarily with one parent, with the other parent having alternate weekends plus one regular overnight during the week. Common when one parent has been the primary caregiver or when children are very young.
Many families create unique schedules based on work shifts, children's activities, distance between homes, or children's preferences. This is where mediation's flexibility really shines.
Young children need consistent routines and benefit from frequent contact with both parents. Schedules often involve shorter, more frequent time with each parent. Many arrangements evolve as children grow.
Children this age still need regular contact with both parents but can handle slightly longer separations. Many families use 2-2-3 or similar schedules.
Children can often handle week-on/week-off or similar schedules. Their activities and friendships become increasingly important considerations.
Teens' input becomes more significant. Their school, activities, jobs, and social lives may require more flexibility. Some families move toward a primary residence with flexible time with the other parent.
Most separated parents have joint decision-making responsibility because research shows children benefit when both parents remain involved in major decisions. However, joint decision-making only works when parents can communicate reasonably well.
Joint Decision-Making Requires:
If you truly cannot work together on decisions, sole decision-making to one parent may be more appropriate. This isn't about winning or losing—it's about what will actually work for your children.
In mediation, we don't just pick a schedule from a menu. We work through a process:
The schedule is important, but how you implement it matters just as much. Through mediation, we can address:
At the end of mediation, your parenting plan will be documented in detail, including:
Your lawyers will review this and help formalize it into a separation agreement or court order.
Not necessarily. Courts and mediators focus on what's best for children going forward, not on "rewarding" past caregiving. That said, the existing relationship and routine are important factors to consider. Strong relationships with both parents are the goal.
Schedules created collaboratively through mediation tend to be followed more reliably than court orders imposed from above. When both parents helped create the plan and understand its reasoning, compliance is typically better. Your agreement can also specify consequences for violations.
Good mediation agreements include provisions for reviewing and modifying arrangements when circumstances change substantially. You can also build in some flexibility for temporary schedule adjustments.
Absolutely. Children's preferences are considered, especially as they get older. However, the weight given to their input depends on their age and maturity. We can discuss appropriate ways to learn about children's wishes without putting them in the middle of parental conflict.
Sometimes parenting issues benefit from additional support:
These resources complement mediation and can be discussed as part of your parenting plan.
Your children didn't choose this separation. They deserve parents who can set aside their own hurt and anger to focus on what will help them thrive. Mediation provides a space to have those child-focused conversations and create arrangements that honor both parents' importance in your children's lives.
The goal isn't a perfect schedule—it's a workable plan that you both commit to implementing in good faith, with your children's wellbeing as the priority. When parents can achieve that, children do remarkably well, even in two-home families.
